is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
