It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
