Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
