Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
