Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
