i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
