1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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