Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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