YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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