he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
