i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
