There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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