I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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