that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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