New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
