im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize