I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
