I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
