It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
