I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
