The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
