I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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