I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
