Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
