Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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