I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
