Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
