I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
