currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
