apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My life is pants optional.
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