I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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