i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
