are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize