Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize