I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
