i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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