At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
