What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
