I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's paint friendship bongs
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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