Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
