You're my little dorito
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize