there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
