somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
