11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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