I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
