I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
