I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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