shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
