I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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