I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
