she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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