Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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