How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize