You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
