i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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