saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
