my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
