Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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