Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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