But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize