Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
