I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
