I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
