you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
