You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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