I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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