The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
