It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
