Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
