Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
