what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
