You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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