one two three fourrrrnication!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize